


Mistakes

by MedicateMeDrMcCoy



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bad Decisions, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, drinking and driving, eventual make up, little shinedown to set the mood, lying in a relationship and dealing with the consquences, mckirk - Freeform, talking through issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 15:30:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14311758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MedicateMeDrMcCoy/pseuds/MedicateMeDrMcCoy
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, not even our very own sensible doctor. The key is communication, a lesson Leonard learns the hard way.





	Mistakes

_Wrap me in a bolt of lightning, send me on my way still smiling_

Leonard sat in a dark, dingy bar, a few miles from campus, slowly nursing his fourth straight bourbon. Sitting on a bar stool, at the darkest end of the bar, Leonard swirled his bourbon slowly, watching the liquid spin in the glass. One secret, one lapse of judgement was all it took for him to screw up the best thing that had happened to him in years.

Leonard had decided to keep the fact that he had a daughter a secret from Jim, at least till the time was right, he just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Looking back he was kicking himself, he should have said something. If Jim could sit there and trust him with the horrors of Tarsus, then surely Leonard could have at the very least told him he had a daughter.

_Maybe that’s the way I should go, straight into the mouth of the unknown_

He thought it would have been too much too soon to say, but he had planned on telling him. That is until Jim came into his quarters to wait on him and found his letter he started to Jo. Saying how much he missed her and that he loved her very much and couldn’t wait to see her and spend time with her.

Leonard didn’t even get the chance to explain to Jim what it was all about. Leonard had come home, exhausted from classes and clinic to see the note pinned on the fridge and a “I thought I was good enough?” note taped to it. Leonard’s heart sank, he’d know that messy scrawl anywhere.

Jim must have assumed he was cheating on him and the thought absolutely devastated him considering that’s what ruined his own marriage. Leonard would never dream of cheating on Jim, the kid was the best thing in his life.

_I left the spare key on the table, never really thought I’d be able to say_

Leonard had tried to comm Jim several times that night, leaving message after message for him to please call him back and let him explain. Jim never returned those phone calls, much to Leonard’s frustration and disappointment. He hated the thought of Jim thinking that he would do something like that. Leonard called it a night, hoping to see Jim tomorrow, but he never saw him in the classes they shared. For the next five days, Leonard wouldn’t hear or see any of Jim, and it worried him.

Leonard had those five long days and even longer nights to think about how terrible of a decision he had made, and his heart hung heavily in his chest as he took a long pull from his glass before ordering another. He missed Jim, without him around there was a void that nothing else could fill, but it didn’t stop him from trying to fill it with booze.

The bartender slid Leonard another drink with a sad smile, but Leonard didn’t even bother looking at the man’s face as he raised the glass toward the bartender half heartedly. He didn’t feel like being social, the stress and worry had exhausted him and he just wanted to sit alone with only his thoughts and regrets to keep him company.

Leonard was about to take the first sip when a cold breeze blew past him from the door. He cut his eyes over slightly to see who had walked in. Leonard’s breath caught in his throat, he’d recognize that head of sandy blonde hair anywhere.

_I merely visit on the weekends, I lost my whole life and a dear friend_

Jim had walked through the door, trying to shake the cold off of him while holding the door open for the person behind him, a woman. Leonard watched them closely as they both went to the same table and sat down across from each other.

Well now it made sense to Leonard now why Jim hadn’t called him back, he had already moved on and he didn’t blame him one bit. Jim deserved someone who had the guts to tell him the truth and be honest with him.

Leonard continued to sit there, glass untouched as he continued to watch Jim and the woman. Leonard was glad that Jim hadn’t noticed him sitting in the corner, his attention was on the woman in front of him. Leonard continued to watch as Jim and the woman talked and laughed. His heart continued to twist in his chest, and the liquor suddenly wasn’t sitting well on his stomach.

_I’ve said it so many times, I would change my ways, no, nevermind, god knows I’ve tried_

When the woman placed her hand on Jim’s arm and gave him a smile and a laugh, Leonard had enough. That had used to be them and he couldn’t sit here for a minute longer. He swallowed his drink in one long swallow before he took out his wallet and paid the bartender, telling him to keep the change while grabbing his coat and making a hasty retreat out into the winter night.

Leonard pulled his coat around him tight as the nip of the night air suddenly swirled around him as he left the nice warm bar, he missed the warmth of Jim snuggled up to him to keep them both warm. Leonard walked on wobbly legs to his truck quickly and got inside, and against his better judgement, turned the key and let the truck hum to life.

Leonard gripped the steering wheel tight, wrenching it in his hands, as he took one last glance in the window, catching Jim and the woman in another mutual laugh. Leonard then punched the top of the steering wheel before putting the truck in gear and heading down the quiet and deserted road.

_Call me a sinner, call me a saint, tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same_

Leonard almost immediately regretted his decision to drive as he got a mile or two out from the bar. He didn’t remember the roads being this bad when he drove to the bar in the daylight. Leonard stuck to the middle of the road as much as he could tell as he drove, the only light was coming from his headlights.

Leonard didn’t realize he had zoned out, thinking about everything, until he had heard the honking of the car coming from around the corner. Leonard snapped to attention, briefly forgetting the snow and tried to jerk himself back into his lane, but he over compensated and sent his truck skidding off the road. Leonard tried to correct himself but it was no use, as he finally came to a stop in the ditch.

_Call me your favorite, call me the worst, tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt, It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way_

Leonard put his truck in reverse to try and get out of the ditch, but he was stuck. The truck had high centered on a snow drift and he couldn’t get traction. Leonard cursed loudly and rested his head on the steering wheel, wondering how in the hell he could have the worst luck out of anyone he knew. His only time being lucky was finding Jim and now he even managed to screw that up.

“God dammit!” Leonard yelled, letting out some of his frustration as he punched the dash. Leonard choked back a small, exhausted sob as he buried his face in his hands and rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

Resigning to his fate for the night, Leonard sighed and turned off the truck and grabbed a couple blankets from behind the seat and wrapped himself up the best he could, preparing himself for the long, cold night.

Leonard told himself he would call a tow truck in the morning, he thought better of it for the night. He didn’t want the tow truck driver to catch a whiff and call the police. As far as punishments for drinking and driving, this was a punishment that Leonard accepted, no matter how uncomfortable or cold he was, served him right for being an idiot.

Leonard laid down and allowed himself a deep shaky breath, trying to push out the images of Jim and the woman out of his head before he allowed himself to pass out into blissful unconsciousness.

_I finally put it all together, but nothing really lasts forever, I had to make a choice that was not mine_

Leonard groaned inwardly as he slowly came back to consciousness, his head was pounding and his mouth was dry. Leonard took a deep breath and was hit with a familiar scent, Jim. Leonard scrunched his nose in confusion, wondering why his truck smelled like Jim, just what he needed, another reminder. As the fog lifted further from his head he suddenly began to realize that he was in a bed.

He patted around him, coming in contact with a mattress and blankets. Leonard slowly opened his eyes, allowing himself to adjust before gazing around the room. Leonard’s breath caught in his throat, he recognized this room. Sure enough, as Leonard’s eyes landed in the corner of the room sat Jim. How the hell had Jim gotten him all the way to his room without waking him up? He must have had more than he thought, and the guilt of driving hit him hard.

_I had to say goodbye for the last time, I kept my whole life in a suitcase, never really stayed in one place_

Leonard swallowed his guilt and stared over at the chair in which Jim sat. Jim was sitting, curled up in the chair with a blanket wrapped around him, with his head resting on his hand. He looked uncomfortable in the small space and Leonard felt even worse that Jim had given him the bed. Jim should have just left him in the cold, it was the most he deserved.

“Jim?” Leonard called out hoarsely, watching Jim to see if he was awake. The kid had always been a light sleeper and gave a quiet mumble as he woke up, almost forgetting where he was, until his eyes landed on Leonard. Jim sat up slowly in the chair, rubbing his face and hair slowly, trying to wake up.

_Maybe that’s the way it should be, you know I live my life like a gypsy_

“Are you okay?” Jim asked tiredly, and flatly as he stared at Leonard with sleepy eyes, hair stuck up all over the place, his face impossible for Leonard to read in the low light.

“I uh, I think so?” Leonard replied slowly, looking down at himself, he wasn’t entirely sure but nothing felt amiss besides his raging hangover.

“Good. Then do you mind telling me what the hell you were thinking driving home half drunk? Do you realize you’d be up shit creek if you got into an accident or worse if I didn’t happen to be driving by? It’s freezing outside!” Jim said, raising his voice as he continued to yell, sitting up straighter in his chair, his blue eyes blazing and boring into Leonard.

_I’ve said it so many times, I would change my ways, no, nevermind, god knows I’ve tried_

“I… I know it was a bad decision and I regret it. I’m sorry Jim, I’m sorry for everything. Just let me explain, please.” Leonard said softly as he shrunk back slightly from Jim’s anger, his voice pleading. When Jim didn’t say anything or move, Leonard took that as a sign to continue.

“Jim, that letter. That letter was to my daughter, Joanna. She’s 6 this year and it’ll be the first time that I’ll miss her birthday and I wanted to write her a handwritten note. There was no one else but you Jim, I swear. I know I should have told you, after everything. I’m so sorry, I just didn’t know how, I wanted to, believe me. I thought it would be too much for you.” Leonard said, picking at the sheets as he rambled, his words clumsily falling out as he tried to get everything out quickly that he had been thinking about these past few days.

_Call me a sinner, call me a saint, tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same_

“Oh. You have a daughter?” Jim replied quietly, barely a whisper as his eyes softened ever so slightly, face alighting with realization as he tilted his head, gazing at Leonard.

“Yeah, I do. I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me. I know its a lot of baggage and I didn’t even have the guts to tell you about something so important. Even after you told me the things you did. I’m so fucking sorry, Jim. I understand you choosing someone else over me. I would too.” Leonard continued to ramble, he didn’t know what to say so he said everything. He wanted so badly to fix this, he just wasn’t sure it was possible. His mind told him to give it up and just let it go, but his heart wouldn’t let Jim go without at least putting up a fight.

_Call me your favorite, call me the worst, tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt, It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way_

At those words, Jim lifted himself from the chair and slowly made his way to the bed, sitting on the end, one leg crossed in front of him and the other dangling off the side. He was sitting closer to Leonard but far enough out of physical contact range.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me? And who am I choosing over you?” Jim asked, still quiet, but Leonard didn’t miss the hurt in Jim’s voice or the sadness in his eyes as he stole a glance. Leonard swallowed thickly, feeling the guilt weigh on him heavily as his heart broke. How could he do this to someone he loved and cared for?

“Of course I trust you Jim, you know I do, more than anyone. I didn’t think it was something to dump into your lap immediately, a kid is a lot to take in with a relationship and I wanted go break it to you in the best way, I just didn’t know how, I’m sorry, please forgive me, Jim. And I saw you, at the bar, with that girl. I don’t blame you.” Leonard replied to Jim sadly, voice cracking, regret dripping off his words. He hoped Jim could hear the utter sincerity in his voice.

_I’ll always keep you inside, you healed my heart and my life, and you know I’ve tried_

“Regardless of whether or not I’d be able to handle it, you should have told me. You know I love and care about you, Bones. Which is why your dumb ass is in my bed and not still on the side of road. Do you have any idea how absolutely devastated I would be if anything ever happened to you? As for the woman I was with, she was an old friend from Iowa and you should be glad she was there. She helped me load your drunk ass in my car. You’re really heavy by the way.” Jim scolded as he narrowed his eyes, before softening as he continued. “As far as your daughter goes, I’d love to meet her someday.” Leonard’s face was skewed in a grimace as he took Jim’s scolding without complaint or interrupting, until Jim’s last words took him by surprise.

“You… you would?” Leonard answered slowly, opening an eye slightly to glance at Jim, wondering if he was actually serious. Jim’s tiny smile he was wearing gave him hope.

“Yeah, I would. Why wouldn’t I? If she’s anything like her old man, I’m sure she’s awesome.” Jim replied with the first hint of warmness in his voice. Leonard gave a quiet snort in reply, his heart lifting slightly at Jim’s reply.

_Call me a sinner, call me a saint, tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same_

“She’s better than her old man, trust me.” Leonard replied, bringing his head up to once again stare into Jim’s eyes, the question written all over his face. “So does that mean?…”

“It means that I’m willing to give you a second chance, Bones. Everyone fucks up and I understand that, but it doesn’t mean that I can just easily forgive you and sweep this under the rug. You betrayed my trust, something you know I don’t just hand out.” Jim said with a heavy sigh, as much as he wanted to just forgive Leonard, he couldn’t but he was willing to work through it.

“I understand Jim, I do and I don’t expect anything less. I fucked up, I know I did. Lord knows I’m not perfect, but I promise to do better and I promise, no more secrets. I just want to fix this Jim, please, I miss you.” Leonard admitted quietly, voice almost failing him at the end.

“As long as you understand…” Jim trailed off, not needing to finish his sentence for Leonard to understand what he was implying.

_Call me your favorite, call me the worst, tell me it’s over I don’t want you to hurt_

“It won’t happen again Jim, I promise.” Leonard promised firmly. “So where do we start?” He added in quietly, still picking at the blanket absentmindedly.

“We still have a lot to talk about, but I think it’s enough for one day, don’t you?” Jim asked quietly as he looked into Leonard’s tired and red rimmed eyes as he nodded slightly in agreement. Jim pulled himself up on the bed slowly before crawling up to where Leonard lay, plopping himself heavily on the mattress.

“I missed you too Bones, more than you know…” Jim said softly as he lifted his head to give Leonard a soft kiss on the forehead. Leonard could feel his stress melt away from him as Jim’s lips rested on his forehead for a few seconds. Suddenly Leonard was completely exhausted as he burrowed his head in Jim’s chest.

_It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way_

“Thank you, Jim. I love you.” Leonard said as he took in a deep breath, wrapping his arms around Jim tight, breathing in the scent that was all Jim as he relaxed completely for the first time in almost a week.

“I love you too, Bones.” Jim replied as he wrapped his own arms around Leonard, pulling him in close, resting his cheek on the top of Leonard’s head. Regardless of the work they would have to do and the talks they would have to have, holding Leonard felt right, Jim knew he’d made the right decision.

The two of them lay there in silence, both happy to be back together, listening to each other breathe. They knew they had a long way to go in repairing their relationship but they would both fight until the end for each other.

Jim gave Leonard a final kiss to the top of his head before snuggling into Leonard and letting the others warmth lull him into a peaceful sleep. Leonard grinned at the sight and couldn’t be happier that Jim was giving him another chance. He wouldn’t mess up again he swore to himself as he too fell asleep to Jim’s peaceful breathing.


End file.
